a crisis of confidence-petwork/gigwork/lifework

“Her refusal to accept the reality of this business cost her the company of a cheerful dog.” -Journal entry from three weeks ago.

I started writing this blog a month ago. It would have been devoted to scolding a fellow sitter for refusing to watch Beamer, a terrific Labradoodle because his need for attention interfered with her writing.

“Don’t get me wrong. I would rather be in the park holding back an excitable dog than vying for space on a packed subway.”-Journal entry from two weeks ago.

This was written before I spent 5 days walking a dog who lunged viciously and violently at other people on the overly crowded sidewalks of my neighborhood. Straining every muscle I still couldn’t keep him off of a friendly doorman from two doors down. I’ll take the 1 train at 5 o’clock over that sidewalk.

I started this blog before a shingles rash broke out on my right ankle.

This was drafted before I was bitten by a dog who supposedly loved all other dogs and people. The bite punctured not only my skin.

The writer who rejected Beamer wasn’t the only one not facing reality.

Another trauma proceeded all of this.

Illness, a skilled assassin, found me on Good Friday.  With four dogs to take care of, I was suddenly delirious from a high fever and vomiting. More agonizing than my symptoms was knowing that I couldn’t connect fully with my dogs.

I was overbooked, unprepared and ashamed. In my old life, I felt this way all the time.

The stomach flu changed this job for me. I wish it hadn’t but it did.

It wasn’t all pride and pluck before the flu. There was joy and hope with every new canine connection, every walk, every bit of revenue. I miss that optimism.

Hopefully, this petwork vocation is evolving not ending. But I just don’t know. I do know that without multiple bookings my revenue will go down. And this decrease will call into question whether or not I can actually make a living at this. This scaling back could cost me the company of dogs I love.

My sitter network is a great resource. Many of us struggle to find a balance, to be profitable, to recover physically and emotionally from difficult situations. “Take care of yourself.” “Be patient.”  We affirm each other. All of us love our dogs.

Next week will be another busy week. Let’s see how I do.